Hay Storms and Jonnah's Hill

The story is as old as human existence itself: I'm not studying when I am supposed to be. It's okay though. My councillor advised me to take it slow and easy and that is what I have been trying to do, but I'll start with something tiny tomorrow. Today, I feel like reconnecting with my avid readers, who I feel like I can safely say now, are also my imaginary fan-base.

There is this weird joy in publishing something out there for the world to see but no one sees it. It an out-there-yet-private kind of a thing. It's strangely comforting. Like I am sharing a part of myself, but with complete privacy.

I have started "lol-ing". Worst thing ever. You know why? Because I'm not actually "laughing out loud". I should start using "MS" - mildly smiling instead. Totally making this my new thing now.

Hmmm. Let's see. I have nothing much to widely proclaim to my avid readers today. Let's look around shall we?

I really want to talk about depression but I feel like I won't be able to do justice to it. It's something so delicate and intricate that I want to give it my proper effort. So maybe not right now. Maybe some day in the future.

My back hurts. Nothing some yoga can't fix though. I'm eating a pear. This time around the fruit guy I order from sent bigger fruits so that's nice. Usually the fruit is tiny.

Why am I talking about this? Because it is my responsibility to entertain my fan base. I kind of miss randomly ranting about the love affair beween Mr. Monty and myself. Ah Mr. Monty. How I miss you.

Saw princess diaries yesterday with a friend. Most awful thing ever. Though I liked the ending - how she ended up not marrying because being a queen > finding a lover.

I really do want to randomly rant on for longer. I feel like this is the first time I am completely babbling non-sense. Usually I have some sort of a purpose to my blog posts. Ah well.

I must bade thee farewell now.

Todaloos!

Cringing

It always feels so awful when I'm reading my old blog posts. It positively cringe-worthy honestly. I expect to look back and think "wow the past me was so articulate" but nope nope nope. It's just the worst thing ever. I wish I had that fluidity in my words like everyone else does but nope again. It's a blundering embarrassing collection of loosely joint words trying too hard to express what I felt. *sigh* I need to work on my writing skills.After all, I don't want to disappoint my massive fan-base amiryt or AMIRYT? *crickets chirping*

The one about Gratitude

This one is for you guys, because I want the whole world (i.e my blog’s massive fan base i.e my imaginary avid readers) to know how you all fill me with complete gratitude. More importantly, I want to remember this moment forever because in this moment, I know, that I am surrounded by something too beautiful to be captured into words.

Thank you for letting me sleep with you and thank you for hugging me through the night; thank you for letting me come over and thank you for feeding me so good; thank you for asking bout me; thank you for caring enough to give me your time, your concern and your love; thank you for forcing me to go out. I felt like it wouldn’t matter but it did matter and it did make things better. Thank you for helping me get through this; thank you for making me believe how incredibly lucky I am and thank you for making everything worthwhile. You guys make it easier for me to reach out when it feels like the hardest thing to do in this world. Just when I start feeling how, at the end of the day, we all have to deal with everything ourselves, you guys are there to let me know, that people can make it easier for you. I hope that my friendship can give you the comfort your friendship has given me.

I lost my feelings there for a bit, but now I can feel the full force of one primary emotion: gratitude. I want you all to know that in this moment, you made someone feel thankful for their life and that counts more than any other thing in this world.