American Hustle

THE HELL WAS THAT?

Sherlock Season 3

How can I not talk about it?

Well, this season was not bad. I wouldn’t say it was the best Sherlock season EVER but it certainly did not disappoint.

It was a little different than usual. We get an insight into how Sherlock’s brain actually works and Sherlock appears more humane all of a sudden.

In the first episode, I absolutely LOVED John’s reaction to Sherlock coming back. Very well written and equally well played out. However, there were some really corny dialogues and scenes. The part where Sherlock diffuses the bomb but lets John believe it was going to blow off to get him to forgive him was kind of weird. Sherlock doesn’t laugh like that does he? It’s too human for him.

Also, there were so many places where Mark Gatiss has shoved himself unwanted in the story. Quite useless, in my opinion. It’s like he wanted a bit of Sherlock’s fame so he edited himself into it.

Then in the second episode, the addition of a killer plot into a wedding story seemed forced. I get how every episode needs a crime to be solved (it’s Sherlock after all), but the level of coincidences was just too damn high. Co-incidence that they get a case with mystery womanizer. Co-incidence that in their drunken state they get a client who is related to the invisible womanizer case. Co-incidence that the guard killer also wanted to kill John’s guest. I know Sherlock thinks that Universe is too lazy to create co-incidences, but how come he is hearing about all these things all at the same time? Co-incidence if you ask me. And you know what they say - too many co-incidences spoil the broth. Well, not really. They don’t say it. But they could say it. Also, the scene where Sherlock tells Mary that she might be pregnant seemed a little, un-Sherlock like. How he says something like I was a baby now go take care of a real baby. It’s a very humanly sensible thing to say and we all know Sherlock is just an immature genius. But maybe it’s just a part of his character expanding.

I have to admit, in the third episode, Steve Moffat and Mark Gatiss did a pretty good job with Charles Augustus Magnussen. He really was disgusting. The peeing part and the flicking part was just too damn good. I like how Sherlock just shoots him in the end. You can’t play mind games with such filth. And how can I forget to mention Mary’s secret. Considering how absurd it could have been, all the actors played their parts very well so it became a really good twist in the story. Nothing beats the ending though - sent a wave of thrill through me when I saw Jim Moriarty’s face on the screens.

I missed you, you crazy bastard.

Mr. Nobody

My sister recommended this movie.

I get why she likes it. She can relate to the dilemma of that little kid. Honestly speaking, I don’t think I faced that kind of a dilemma. My choice was always clear.

Anyways, the point is that the idea behind the movie is amazing. The possibilities life has if it were not the actual choice that you made. But the acting?

Dear Jared Leto,

                You simply cannot become an old man but putting on some make up and shaking your hand once in a while, as if your strength does not support you anymore, with such a stable voice. If you’re as weak as your hand is, then so should be your voice. Your delivery of dialogues and ideas should be as inconsistent as your ability to stay awake during the entire length of the conversation. Seriously, attend Old Age 101 (which I bet is a class in Greendale =3).

  

Blogging and 12 Years A Slave

I can’t believe I stopped writing there for a while. Blogging is a really good therapy. Relieves you of all the things you want to say but can’t say because of SO MANY REASONS. Like this movie review I am about to write. Discussed it with a friend and all I got was “Chalo fit hai :P”. I guess it does feel WAY BETTER to write a public blog about it and get the feeling that someone out there reading it understands what I am saying. Like a silver lining of hope against a dark cloud of i-don’t-know-what.

Right. TO THE MOVIE REVIEW!

*/*****

Yeah that’s my rating for it. I know it won Best Picture in Academy Awards and what not, which only makes me wonder: Do people seriously not understand what a piece of art is?

One word: FAKE.

This movie is so damn fake. Every single thing about it is so unoriginal and ineffective. The elements of the movie aren’t in sync. Acting, characters, music, scenes, nothing.

From the very beginning, things don’t fit. The actors are ONLY acting. They have not let their characters wash over them and they haven’t been fully embedded in their roles. It is very obvious that they just learnt their lines and are trying their level best to fit into their character; only that they are trying too hard. 

You don’t get the feeling like they are living their roles. They are just playing them.

The storyline does not give you the feeling of reality. There are parts where you are supposed to feel sad or disappointed to sympathetic towards the characters but you just can’t because you can’t relate to them. The writers or actors didn’t really try that hard to make sure that audience FEELS emotions. They just order the audience: “Now is your time to feel sad” and they expect us to feel sad. They haven’t tried to build up the emotions to let it finally overcome the audience at one point.

Like the scene where Patty asks Solomon to kill her. It does not evoke feelings of sympathy because the audience has never been made to believe that Patty was living a terrible life. Light wasn’t shed on her feelings or experiences. It’s highly unrealistic that a slave would ask to be killed just because her mistress threw a glass jar at her or her master fancies her. There might have been more terrible things happening in her life, but we don’t know anything about them because we weren’t told so. Here, the directors just expected the audience to feel sad for Patty because she asked for death – not because we actually knew how terrible her life was. Or when Patty was crying about how her mistress doesn’t even give her soap to clean up with. SHE DOESN”T EVEN LOOK DIRTY TO BEGIN WITH! You want to give the audience a wild random reason for Epps to beat Patty up, fine, but at least make her look the part! At least make her look filthy and haggard. She looks like a hand-maid rather than a field worker.

There also was something VERY unrealistic about the setting. Slaves weren’t, how should I put it, “Slave-y” enough. Anyone who has read and seen Gone With the Wind will know what I am talking about. Every time you see a slave in this movie, you know they are educated, groomed humans who are playing this character (very poorly too). Like how the field working slaves aren’t ragged enough. Actors aren’t convincing. It’s like before a scene, they were asked to look miserable and that’s all they did. They did not FEEL miserable, they only (poorly) PORTRAYED being miserable. Like the scene where two slaves are getting hung. Look closely and you’ll see that all they look is “miserable”. For God’s sake man, your life is about to end. There are other things you would feel apart from being miserable. Where is panic, helplessness, rebellion, crying, and devastation or even silent resignation?

And what’s up with the music? Somehow somewhere along the road, Steve McQueen learnt that old slave chants give misery a power. So he decided to put it EVERYWHERE. He over worked the magic of old slave-music and turned it into something monotonous, over-used and misplaced. This is what I call racial stereo-typing: take an old black woman make her sing wise old songs. 

Also, in the scene where Solomon has been hung and is clinging onto his life by the tips of his toes: the background music is relatively modern techno which COMPLETELY remove all possible vibes of it being an old tale.

And don’t even get me started on how the slave woman gives Solomon a sip of water to drink as an act of kindness while he is hanging. Man’s larynx just got crushed yes that’s exactly what he needs – water. For surely, hanging provokes great thirst in men.

I don’t think I can ever stop criticizing this movie because every single scene is so flawed. So I’ll just jump to the ending – The scene where Solomon meets his family again. It made me cry tears of blood. The complete lack of feeling in the family re-union is enough to make one gouge their eyes out and swear to never witness another family re-union portrayed by Steve McQueen. Need I even mention how the old face make-up on Solomon’s wife was so realistic? *sarcast-o-meter is going to explode* Because in that part of the country, old women have smooth unwrinkled young shoulders and a straight back but wrinkled faces and white hair.

It’s just like what another critic wrote about the movie – it is aimed to shock the audience with a few supposedly terrible scenes and nothing else.

So basically, the fact that 12 years a Slave won Best Picture, proves that you can seriously hinder audience's capability to judge what is art and what is not, by whipping a black woman.

Sacred Songs

Writing about sacred movies reminded me about sacred songs.

Same feelings go with them too.

Here is what makes some songs sacred for me:

1.I find the song on my own. If a friend recommends me a song I just loose respect for it because it usually is some common shit everyone listens to and I hate listening to common shit that everyone listens to because there is nothing unique about it. I like my music unique

2. The first time I hear that song I can’t think anything because I am so entranced. The second time I listen to the song I feel like there is someone out there who understands my song choice because every single beat of that song are what I wanted to hear, except before that music, I didn’t even know what I wanted

3. It is NOT a song everyone listens to. I keep hoping and wishing that my favorite bands stay underground bands FOREVER so no one except me would listen to them and no one would have a chance to describe them using common terms (which is disrespectful because the songs they make are sacred)

The other day I was searching for some videos to help me understand something in my biology book so I downloaded a video and played it. I LITERALLY couldn’t breathe properly for a second because the background music that was playing was so damn amazing. (I’m not exaggerating). I couldn’t stop listening to it and I played it again and again and again and again. Then after a few weeks, I said to myself “hey there is no harm in sharing it with caution” so I told a friend. And guess how he described it? “NICE SLOW SONG”. Yes. I shit you not. He LITERALLY described it as a NICE SLOW SONG. Because surely, synonym of “music-that-makes-you-whoozy-with-joy” is “a-nice-slow-song”

See what I mean? That’s why I don’t like sharing my music with people. They just don’t understand the depth of it. Or maybe they do and just can’t describe it. Or maybe it isn't such a big deal anyways. But it is for me. So I guess It’s better to privately fall in love with a song than openly exhibit it when you know others won’t feel the same way about it.

Sacred Movies

I wonder if this happens with everyone:

You watch a movie and it’s so amazing and beautiful and *at loss to find appropriate adjectives* that you can’t even express how amazing it is. If you try doing so, you’re scared that your words won’t do any justice to it so you don’t speak. Then you look around for people who have watched the same movie to see if they feel the same way you do, and all you find is people who describe it as “good” “nice” “loved it” and you feel like slapping the crap out of them because they are disrespecting the movie; because it means so much more to you than it would ever do to them. And it becomes really disappointing when people talk about that movie using common mundane terms like they would describe every other piece of shit movie.

Since nobody understands what that movie truly means to you, and if you try discussing it you just end up in a position where you feel like kicking everyone, you just end up making it a secret close to your heart.

Which is why when I started writing a blog about two movies REALLY close to my heart, I ended up writing this, because honestly, I don’t feel like discussing them even with my imaginary fan-base. 

Holla Y'all!

HOLLA THERE YA’LL! I scream to my “extensive blog fan base” *eye roll*

Did you miss me?

*imaginary fan crowd shouts YEAHHH*

Well I’m here now

*imaginary fan crowd hoots and cheers*

Yeah that pretty much summed up my loner life.

Anyways. Since I’ve been hearing so many pleas like:

 “Tell us about your life tell us about your life we’re SOOO interested”

I better start highlighting all important things that happened during my “much-felt” absence:

1. My Sherlock theory was so true. Felt really good about it (except the part where he jumps into a giant air bag instead of truck full of shoppers)

2. I went to Karachi and fell in love with the beach

3. Decided to blog movie reviews

4. Much darker stuff happened that I certainly do not wish to discuss here because I don’t want to darken up my one last source of relief

Right. So this is not as exciting as I expected it to be. But what the hell, it’s not like I really have an extensive fan base to entertain. It’s more like self-ranting. I can even do this:

HEY YOU! Yeah you. GO SHIT YOURSELF.

And no soiled pampers were to be found.