A Radical Notion

Well, it's been quite some time since I last wrote.

It feels good coming back to this blog. Right now, when I feel like I am only a remnant of what I used to be as a person, it feels good to come back to something that I used to do, that made me feel good.

What I have been so far, I probably shouldn't discuss. I have done enough of that in the past few weeks, with myself, and everyone around me. Maybe it is time to start doing new things all over again.

I am a loss to see what will come ahead, but I guess I can also be curious about it. I am familiar with the darkness before sunlight.

Anyways, I don't think I came back here to indulge in some real life banter. I am here to reminisce about times gone. When I stressed and worried but it feels good to think about those times because they are gone.

I miss Mr. Monty to be very honest. It was quite a treat to be so in love with him, and to grasp on to him in times of despair as my only source of happiness. Mr. Monty was good to me. It feels good to remind myself of what I was, of all the things that I have forgotten.

It feels good to be back. It feels good to indulge in myself. It feels good to hear myself again.

Maybe I should listen to a song and write about it like I used to. Let's give it a try and see if I still got it huh? I want to feel that joy again

Song: The Sound by 1975

Tap, tap, tap
the music is on
I see your head bobbing
I see your shoulders moving
Grab my hand
Let's, you and me,
rock to this band
Let's, you and me,
move in unison
Let's, you and me,
laugh and dance
This dance floor
was built for you and me

It felt good to indulge in this. To listen to a song, close my eyes and see what it makes me feel and think and then write about it. It feels good to have this little space where I can unapologetically be myself and just do something that is not means to an end. I am doing it just because I am doing it.

It is only becoming apparent to me that I lost myself - in my studies, in my work, in my worries for the future, in everything. But one can't do that for very long without having your insides scream at you. This one, this time, yet again, was me telling myself that I am ignoring myself. I am not exactly sure how to rebuild myself or what I will do tomorrow, or how I will go about things, but maybe something else is to come, which requires me to feel this way for now. And it will be okay I guess.

I will indulge a little more in me. That much I know. Read books for sure.