So there are these movies that you watch after which you just get up and live your life. And then there are ones resonate with something deep inside your heart. Like a familiar cord that was waiting to be struck and once it's struck you feel understood. Somewhere out there made something that became a channel for that feeling buried deep within to rear it's head and show itself. It's a connection that is as rare and exclusive in it's character as it is beautiful. Of all the movies that I have watched in my life these are the ones which made me feel like that:
1. August Osage County
2. Big Fish
3. Louder Than Bombs
These are the ones I can think of at the moment. I have a special inexplainable connection with these movies. It's a sentiment that no one seems to be able to share with me, which is understandable because these movies won't resonate with people for the same reasons they resonate with me. I wish I could find someone who would understand the way I feel about these movies because I don't have words to explain these feelings so there has to be more of a silent connection of understanding. Ah well.
Reading my old posts. Kind of embarrassing. It's so out there in the world. All my flaws, all that I was and all I believed in even if it was terribly wrong. It's weird but a great reflection of how much I have changed.
If some one were to ask me the time when I stopped feeling like a kid, it would be summers of 2015 - my first year in medical college. Ah. What a summers it was. Filled with excruciating physical pain, mental agony and most unexpected tales of betrayal and loss of friendships. See, the thing about not feeling like a kid anymore is that no one would ever want to stop living in a world painted with rosy colors. "Coming of age" usually involves a brutal experience of something of a negative sort. Kind of like a punch to the face which knocks out your sunglasses so you are left squinting in the extreme sunlight, blinded, in pain and in shock of the suddenness with which it all happened. But eventually your eyes adjust to the sunlight and you grow accustomed to seeing without your glasses which are now broken. This realization is followed by a frantic attempt to fix the glasses, trying to regain the protection you once had but no matter what you do and how much you struggle, the cracks will always remain. There is no way you can repair your glasses. And then, comes the beautiful part - acceptance. You just accept that this is what it is like. What protects you will be forcefully snatched from you, one by one, and that's okay. Because you learn how to survive better. You get the peace that comes with acceptance. So you look at your broken glasses wistfully, thinking back in time when they used to protect you from the glare that you now have to live with. But it's okay. Maybe the glare isn't so bad. Maybe your eyes actually craved the glare. Maybe you needed to see the world in a different color. I know it was for me. It changed my life for good. I don't know if I should give myself credit for changing my life like this or I was incredibly lucky to have been in such a good situation. Maybe it's both. Anyways. I am happy, content and I feel good. I am content with my life.
Toodles
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