On Popular Fan Request

I've been receiving a lot of fan mails asking me to write a review on Now You See Me

So here I go:

It was a fairly entertaining movie until its conclusion. To make it unpredictable, the story writers sadly chose the most predictable form of unpredictablness which completely ruined everything. And the romance compels me to say:

Much romance

Such love

wow

I rather love this new background it's what i had been looking for. It's bright and fresh and has water in it to some extent plus it's got the blueness which is so refreshing to the eyes. With the exception of the colour of the post headings. My imaginary-fan-bas will probably have to strain their non-existing eyes to read this.

By the way, I just got a like on one of my posts by someone called prince nicolas so I would like to post him a letter:

Dear prince nicolas,

Thank You for liking my post. You are now an official member of my non-existing fan base. I promote you to the office of Grand Liker Of The Posts. You have been knighted as Mr. GLOP.

Is it desperate that I'm writing a letter to the only strange person who has liked my post? Yes. Probably. But in all fairness, well, ummmm, LOOK! AN APPLE!

*phew! that was one awkward conversation off my back*

Anyways, Mr. GLOP (known to other Google weirdos as prince nicolas), even though the admission to my imaginary fan base is a tough process full of trials and turbulations which teach one the importance of living a happy life and how to properly use the lavatory, I shall certainly grant some leniency to your  kingdom if they want to be a part of my imaginary fan base. I'm not saying they will be skipping the "proper use of lavatory" lessons, or the occasional "proper use of the sparrow bird", but they shall certainly be granted some favours. You are a "prince" after all. So if your kingdom desires to be a part of this journey of great trials and turbulations where one is taught the importance of life and how to properly use a lavatory, I would welcome them with open arms and a plank.

Yours Sincerely,
Jospeh Stalin.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Stalin
Stalin who?
Stalin to sound a little weird

Goodness gracious I swear i have been trying to study since morning but i just can't. Chemistry is so boring that it can make one fall off the chair into the labyrinth-of-eternal-death-of-the-soul-and-all-that-is-sacred-to-a-happy-life. I just can't bring myself to study it. I could if I removed this thing called MY SOUL from my body. It's like there are these equations equations on equations on equations that I am supposed to learn for no rhyme or reason. How silly is that? I find it completely pointless to spend time trying to learn something I know won't be of any use to me later on. Anyways. This was just the heading. I better start on the main body of this post.

That's probably it.

I Know I Was Mucking Around With Poetry In My Previous Post But This Poet Completely Took Me By Surprise And I Am Actually Quite A Fan Of His Poetry Now It's Something That I Can Relate To And Understand Completely

I'm talking about none other than Ewan Mcteagle.

Here are a few excerpts from his works:

 If you could see your way to lending me sixpence

I could at least buy a newspaper

That's not much to ask anyone

But my favourite is this poem he wrote for his friend Lassie O'Shen:

 'To Ma Own beloved Lassie

 A poem on her 17th Birthday

 Lend us a couple of bob till Thursday

 I'm absolutely skint

 But I'm expecting a postal order 

and I can pay you back as soon as it comes

Love,

Ewan.

Lassie O'Shen reading out McTeagel's poem

Then there is "Can I Have Fifty Pounds To Mend The Shed?" which was adopted into a play:

Can I have fifty pounds to mend the shed?

I'm right on my uppers.

I can pay you back

When this postal order comes from Australia.

Honestly.

Hope the bladder trouble's getting better.

Love, Ewan

Play adaptation

One of the lesser known work is: 

 Oh give to me a shillin' for some fags 

and I'll pay yet back on Thursday, 

but if you can wait till Saturday 

I'm expecting a divvy from the Harpenden Building Society...

For those of you who are interested in his other works, here is a list of all the famous ones:

1. 'My new cheque book hasn't arrived' 

2. 'What's twenty quid to the bloody Midland Bank?'

3. 'Can you lend me one thousand quid?' ( his prizewinning poem to the Arts Council) 

Yonder Lies Isth A funnth Termth

It's so strange how, as soon as I publish a blog post then check the audience stats, there are 4 views. How is that even possible in the last minute of a second?

I noticed my audience is mainly from Europe: America, Germany and I think there once even was Ukrain or another country like that.

SO strange. Anyways, if you are an American or any other European, and you are reading this right now:

PUT YO HANDS IN THE AYA' LIKE YOU DON' CAYA' CAYA'

No seriously. Put your hands up in the air right now. 

I'm not joking.

It's a real deal.

Look I don't know where you are but just do it. Just put your hands up in the air. Just like that. Just do it. 

You probably think I'm just writing it down but I'm not.

I'm talking to you.

YEAH YOU!

I'm serious.

Just put your hands up in the air.

Maybe you're sitting in a super serious office or maybe you're just monitoring my blog for reason of national security or whatever and I understand as a super serious agent of God-knows-what, you have led your life quite seriously but there still is a child in you. 

No body has to know.

Just put your hands in the air.

Just once.

For a second.

Just do it.

Will be fun.

Just up and down.

Come on.

 

JUST DO IT

I'm Thankful For (three fullstops)

1. This ice cold Roof-Afzah bottle
2. Having a mother who says even if I do fail, nobody gives a fuck because it won't stop me from being awesome. Plus she is always praising me and loving me which has greatly contributed to my narcissism and a very satisfied happy young life (though I may not acknowledge it in my moodier times)
3. Having really good people around me who are a constant source of encouragement and love (nudge nudge to my sister)
4. People who once were strangers but treated us kindly
10. Having friends with parents who treat me with such kindness and love that they partially fill the gaping hole caused by the absence of a dad figure
34. Having Allah ji around all the time which is kind of fun and very liberating too considering that I kind of don' have to worry about stuff and everything is already taken care of

Paradise Lost - Beauty of Milton

Shall I compare thee to a summer's SHIT?
Thou art more lovely and more FIT:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of IT,
And summer's lease hath all too short a BIT;
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven LIT,
And often is his gold complexion KIT;
And every fair from fair sometime MIT,
By chance or nature's changing course DIT;
But thy eternal summer shall not HIT,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou WIT;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his JIT,
When in eternal lines to time thou OIT:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can RIT,
So long lives this, and this gives life to COW.

Yonder Lies Thy Shit

I might be mistaken, but I think it says "Grace" on this fine piece of bait-ul-khala cutlery

Razia Bought A Lota

The cajoling twit of the baherman

EXAM UPDATE (because everyone cares SO MUCH): Got my chemistry exam on 30^th

Basically, I am supposed to learn all these equations but this is what I can think of every time I try to learn them:

1.       WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT THESE FUCKING EQUATIONS?

2.       HOW THE FUCK WILL THEY FUCKING HELP ME IN MY FUTURE (and then follows a light sermon by a wise old man who tells me that I may not be able to see the use of this form of education now, but ONE DAY! when I am all grown up I’ll say: YES, FOR SURELY, KNOWING HOW TO CONVERT FUCKING ALDEHYDES INTO FUCKING ALKANES HAS HELPED ME DEAL WITH LIFE!)

3.       WHAT THE FUCK IS THE USE OF SPENDING MY TIME TRYING TO LEARN SOME FUCK THAT WILL ONLY BE USED IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS OF MY LIFE? Why not just watch Monty Python and laugh because not only will it make my life happier, it will also be what I’ll think of fondly later on.

I had an interesting conversation with the invigilator in my Physics exam:

Me: Sir I tore my paper trying to drill a hole in it with a pen to tie it up like you asked. Can’t we use a stapler or something?

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

(Takes my anwer sheets and tears it from the corner for the thread to go in)

Me: Can’t we use the punching machine lying on the table to make a hole instead of using our pens?

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: I understand if staplers aren’t allowed but punching a hole with a pen is the same as punching a hole with the punching machine, so why can’t we just use the punching machine instead? It surely would reduce the risk of tearing our papers

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: but it’s the same thing

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: Can you please tell me the reason why we can’t use the punching machine?

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: But it’s the same thing as drilling a hole with your pen!

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: Just tell me reason why we can’t use a punching machine!

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: That’s it?

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: Are you even remotely capable of doing anything other than kissing FBISE’S ass?

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me: ?

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me:

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Me:

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Invigi: FBISE doesn’t allow it

Possibly the most enlightening conversation I’ve ever had with anybody in my life.

AND NOW,

For something completely different.

 TA DUMMMM!

P.S: Couldn't help but use the Monty Python "Punchlines". They are but starking raving mad and I love them oh so!

Happy Cornday Wallace

Guess what?

WHAT?? *Screams my imaginary fan base*

I think I ended up being the smug little bitch with a satisfied look on my face today.

Yes. My paper didn’t go THAT bad

BOOO!! *screams my imaginary fan base*

Anyhoo.

For some reason, I figured that I took life too seriously. It just happened. I was watching New Girl and Jess’s mom says “Relax Jess! It’s just life!”

And I thought OMG IT REALLY IS ISN’T IT? It’s JUST life!

It’s just life.

Just life.

Life.

Fe.

E.

.

Plus there is this whole Monty Python factor which is affecting me in ways I don’t understand. Somehow, life seems lighter now. I feel that if 6 old men in their late 70’s can never grow up, maybe I don’t have to take life that seriously too you know?

NO WE DON”T KNOW *screams my imaginary fan base*

Somehow, we get it into our heads that a serious attitude to our lives will help us live better. It will help us avoid those problems which we could get if we were not-so-serious about life. But Monty Python and Jess’s mom made me think it doesn’t really matter. Life seems to be a pre-planned set of events that are bound to happen no matter what we do. What we do have a choice in is how we approach this mapped out sequence of events in our lives.

OH SHUT YOUR PHILOSPHICAL COWSHIT *Screams my imaginary fan base*

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINIONS YOU STUPID FANS!

*imaginary fan base boos!*

SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL!

*Silence*

*Silence*

*Slight sobbing heard from fan base*

Ah man. Now look what you have made me do. I didn’t want to hit your weak spot (the weak spot of my imaginary fan base being NOT EXISTING). I’m sorry. Okay look. Let’s start again and this time, I won’t tell you that you guys don’t exist okay?

OKAY! *screams my imaginary fan base*

Right so here we go:

Guess what?

WHAT?? *Screams my imaginary fan base*

I think I ended up being the smug little bitch with a satisfied look on my face today.

Yes. My paper didn’t go THAT bad

BOOO!! *screams my imaginary fan base*

Anyhoo.

For some reason, I figured that I took life too seriously. It just happened. I was watching New Girl and Jess’s mom says “Relax Jess! It’s just life!”

And I thought OMG IT REALLY IS ISN’T IT? It’s JUST life!

It’s just life.

Just life.

Life.

Fe.

E.

.

Plus there is this whole Monty Python factor which is affecting me in ways I don’t understand. Somehow, life seems lighter now. I feel that if 6 old men in their late 70’s can never grow up, maybe I don’t have to take life that seriously too you know?

NO WE DON”T KNOW *screams my imaginary fan base*

Somehow, we get it into our heads that a serious attitude to our lives will help us live better. It will help us avoid those problems which we could get if we were not-so-serious about life. But Monty Python and Jess’s mom made me think it doesn’t really matter. Life seems to be a pre-planned set of events that are bound to happen no matter what we do. What we do have a choice in is how we approach this mapped out sequence of events in our lives.

OH SHUT YOUR PHILOSPHICAL COWSHIT *Screams my imaginary fan base*

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINIONS YOU STUPID FANS!

*imaginary fan base boos!*

SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL!

*Silence*

Ummm. It just slipped out again.

*BOO! Screams my imaginary fan base*

WELL I JUST COPIED AND PASTED THE WHOLE THING AGAIN YOU FREAKS STOP BEING SO MELODRAMATIC!

*News channel personnel burst in focusing camera on me while I try to block myself with my hand and try running away*

News Channel TV Host Guy: We bring you LIVE! To witness the national-interview-broadcasts-of-all-that-is-sacred-and-foolsome to witness the witnessing of thousands of witnesses who witnessed THIS WOMAN *offensive melodramatic pointing at myself* be racist on live television in her mind’s eye and reminding her imaginary fan base that THEY DON’T EXIST! And that too *melodramatic music* TWICE!

*general women faint*

Monty Python is just so brilliant in every single way I can imagine. It is such an escape from the usual pompousness of life. Even their record label idea was so amazing: Just print out the label of a famous record and then cross it out and write their thing on the side. How incredibly childish and different is that?

I’m too awestruck with Monty Python to actually feel something else. Let alone panic about the fact that right now I am actually supposed to be learning those chemistry reactions.

P.S National Art Of Lampoonery and Services hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness of these facilities which are hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness of these facilities hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness of these facilities which are hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness of these facilities which are which you probably think it’s just the old copy paste text but it’s not are hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness of these facilities which are hereby required to shackle up the there is a secret message hidden in this crap devices procured for the randomness of these I don’t think you’ll ever be able to find the hidden crap facilities which are hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness of these facilities which are hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness it’s not so much as hidden as just typed in randomly at places of these facilities which are hereby required to shackle up the devices procured for the randomness of these facilities which are.

SHAKELBOLT HARRISON BAYBRIDGE KNOWINGSTEN

Crapabullziod pre-day

Right so I have my physics final tomorrow. Basically this is what I am supposed to know:

Equations

Derivations

Answers from exercises on the tip of my fingers

Concepts (which actually don’t really seem to matter)

Now to assess myself, this is what I know:

Answers

Concepts (which really just means knowing nothing that will actually help me get marks in my paper)

So how will my exam go? Let’s just say, I’m more annoyed at the idea of being around people who will come out of the examination hall and exclaim “OMG! THAT PAPER WAS SO EASY!” with their nasty little shitty satisfied smug faces.

To them, I shall say

FUCK YOU MY GOOD MADAM. AND A VERY GOOD FUCK TO YOU TOO.

P.S: It’s actually funny how little I know. Everything that seems to matter has gone completely over my head. What’s even funnier is what seems to matter actually seems complete bullshit so my brain isn’t really bothering to absorb much.

Late Night Ranting

Well, it’s one o clock in the morning. All I can say is that I was hoping to sleep early so I can get up early tomorrow and study better for my physics exam day after tomorrow. But life doesn’t really turn out the way you imagine it to right?

I can’t sleep and all I can think about is my current obsession with Monty Python. I think about them all the time. I want to watch all their movies and documentaries all the time. Is It love? Or is it escapism from my impending doom which rears its head in form of my annual exam?

I have pretty much accepted the fact that I might not get such good marks but I still get those hopeful moments where I think maybe my preparation is not as bad as it seems. And then my hope gets crushed. The fall from those hopeful moments is even worse than to have simply lost all hope.

I just saw part 1 of the Monty Python Documentary (I also watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail which was okay-ish. I did find myself laughing just because it was Monty Python and not because it was funny. Anyways, back to the documentary) It made me feel so envious. I have such a huge amount of respect for all the Pythons. Their lives seem so amazing – spent making people laugh, never growing up, doing what they wanted and travelling (like Michael Palin). I wish to have a life like that-  a life full of adventure and mystery; So that when I am old like them, everyone looks at the satisfaction hidden in the lines of my face an know that I lived life to the fullest.

To be very honest, I feel like my life has been planned out. I am supposed to become a doctor (which I now don’t seem to mind thanks to Graham Chapman, who was a doctor but led an interesting crazy life), then get married, then raise children and somewhere in all that I am supposed to find my enjoyment. But that is not how I wish to enjoy my life. I don’t want to “FIND” enjoyment; I want to “MAKE” enjoyment. I want to travel, be wild, have all those crazy zany adventures and finally settle down when I get sick of the unpredictable outrageous life I had for such a long time. So years later, when my kids come to me for adventure stories, I don’t have to make them up as I go: I’ll just retell the events of my past.

Yes, I seek adventure more than ever. I don’t want to be one of those old people who have wisdom in their silence and have lost sight of their inner child. I want to be a crazy old unpredictable wart, who has fun in her own crazy way. Like those old Pythons. It’s like John Cleese said: He still feels like a child. He sees all these old people who are unhappy because they are trapped by the idea of wanting to be “old and wise”. But not him; he has never hid his inner child. The disappointment comes when I look at my life right now and see how annoying, serious and predictable it has become. I think, if I can’t make my inner child shine out in what is possibly the most horrible two years of my life, maybe I won’t EVER be able to do it because life will only get more difficult from here onwards.

When I read about some of the crazy things that Chapman did in his life I’m fascinated. To be as old as he was, and still bite people’s ankles at a formal party, requires the kinds of guts that we, normal mortals, don’t have. We are so entrapped by the society that we would never be able to do anything like that without fearing the consequences.

Well, I’m not saying I would like to bite people’s ankles at a formal dinner party PER SAY, but I would love to travel the world; go bunjee jumping; ride a roller coaster or wake up in a different part of the world to a new adventure every single day.  

I’m sure I am not the only one who feels so trapped. The sad thing is many a good old adults before me have had the same dream but their lives didn’t quite turn out the way they were expecting. And that is my biggest fear: that I too will become one of those old people.

I don’t know how much of luck is it to end up living the adventurous life that you have always wanted. I guess, in the end, the only thing I can do is just hope and pray that I have that kind of luck.

The Flying Circus

The fact that 5 adult grown men, who apparently look quite serious, can wear women’s clothes and do silly things is well, what makes you fall in love with them.

I may not be a true Pythonian but I guess in a few more months or years I could be one. Till now, I have only watched the 45 episodes of the Monty Python’s Flying Circus. I can’t wait to download the movies and watch every other video I can possibly find on youtube.

I guess my favorite pythons would be all of them. Every single one of them is so unique and funny. It’s their amazingly different, yet, similar sense of humor that comes together and makes Monty Python what it is. They are different in their approaches to one similar thing: fearless childish absurdity.

John and Graham wrote dark, bold, vivacious sketches, Michael and Terry – lighter one and Eric, also milder ones. (Though I have to admit, the dark bold vivacious sketches do really make you laugh harder)

I might not be born in late 1960s but when I look at their sketches, I know that they revolutionized humor.

I don’t think I have the kind of vocabulary that I can use to justify the amount of respect I have for John, Graham, Michael, Terry, Eric and Terry. They took a risk. They did something different. They were not hesitant to show absurdity. And they succeeded to make millions of people laugh. They made something so legendary that even today, 50 years later; they earn respect and love from whoever watches their show. I quite agree with everyone when they say that Monty Python was well ahead of its time. Maybe that’s why you find it so funny even today.

And now without further ado, I present to you, my favorite sketches:

1.       Spanish Inquisition (of course)

2.       Flying lesson (which I can’t seem to get enough of which also is the main reason I fell in love with Graham)

3.       Secretary of State Striptease (which is why I fell in love with Terry)

4.       Take your pick (Just the ending though in which Michael Palin dressed as pope jumps at the sexy presenter Graham)

5.       Sam Peckinpah’s Salad Days (HAHAHAHAHA)

6.       Rival Documentaries (It’s so funny how Michael and John fight over the microphone like kids especially in the field when Michael tells John to “Go away” and “NO!” and then they get into a fight)

7.       Many others I can’t seem to remember now but will do so later because I think I can stop watching all the episodes again and again and again.

P.S I am not really fond of this post because I can’t seem to justify how amazing Monty Python is. What I would really like to do is enter your brain and cut all the shackles that adult life has used to cage your fun with. Then I would let your brain go free into the wild so you end up going under the table and biting peoples ankles at a formal dinner party (like Chapman) or attend a twelve minute presentation you are supposed to give on a serious topic dressed as a carrot in complete silence (also Chapman). Because that is what Monty Python makes you feel like.

P.S.S Even though I love all of the Pythons equally, there is something really fascinating about Cleese and Chapman that draws your eye towards them as they act. I don't exactly know what it is but I'm guessing it's the seriousness with which they do the most absurd childish things in the world. It is so amazing how they can do that. I'm actually quite interested in Chapman now a days. It's just that he is such a curious figure. So mysterious. Not to forget, dead. But he led quite an interesting life and that is what I am so curious about. I keep wondering what it would be like if he weren't dead. He would be old. And it wouldn't make me so weirdly sad every time I look at pictures of the old Monty Python crew without him. I kind of wish he were still alive. He really would be like Michael describes him: "old and wise". It would have been so good to look at him and know that behind it is years and years of wisdom gained from living a crazy life. 

Optimism

Isn't it so depressing when people tell you that in future, you will look at today, and this will be the best time of your life? It's one way of saying that your future will be so awful that today will seem like a breeze. Now that is something to look forward to.

Self Ranting on Career Confusions

I am at a weird point in my life. I’m going through that phase where I am confused about everything.

I basically want to become a doctor. I’ve always wanted that but now I just don’t want it that badly for reasons I don’t understand.

I sometimes even feel that if I fail, it will open up a whole world of opportunities for me. It’s like my aim to become a doctor is blocking the colorful possibilities that life has to offer.

So basically I am scared. Doctor is a safe option for me but I don’t know if I want a safe option. What if the safe option is what is best for me? I don’t know anything. I’m basically waiting for either a failure to tell me risk is what is best for me, or I’m waiting for success to tell me that I am destined to become a doctor.

I remember I wanted to become a doctor because I wanted to help people. So the baseline is that even if I don’t become a doctor, I want to do something to help people.

My biggest fear right now is getting up every morning and living just for myself. Where my biggest concern is dressing to impress, small talking through life, letting the miseries of everyone else go ignored while I myself enjoy my life. I want to wake up every morning and know that I am helping, if not everyone, then someone. I want to make a difference. I don’t want to lead an ordinary life.

Yeah, that is what I want - an extraordinary life spent trying to help those who need my help. That is my basic requirement.

Why He Died

(Inspired by Stuart: A Life Backwards)

She put the cassette in the recorder and pressed play.

*white noise*

Jim: INTERVIEW 1. I am Jim Dillinger and I will be interviewing Mr. John Hopscotch. Interview is dated 12 September 1998.

*sound of door opening, dragging feet and dropping down on a chair*

Jim: Mr. John Hopscotch my name is Ji…

John: *dazedly* I know y.. yo.. you’re he’r tooo inter.. interweyy me

Jim: Yes. I am.

*silence*

Jim: Should? Should I just start asking questions?

John: Shhhhooot.

 Jim: Well *clears throat* Mr. Hopscotch, umm can you please tell us about the details of your… umm. Your first..

John: Mai furst attemp to kill mysle?

Jim: *shifts in seat* ye.. yes please

*silence*

John: Weell, I’ wuz back in niney seven. I ha’ cum bck frm shoppin, I took m’ gun  out..outaa m.my close’ and sho’ m’self

Jim: Why did you do that?

John: W…Wha u mean why? I wanne’ to kill me’slf tha’s why

Jim: Why did you want to kill yourself?

*silence*

John: Wh..why dos man wana kill emsel?

Jim: You tell me Mr. Hopscotch.

*Silence*

Jim: Mr. Hopscotch? Can I call you John?

*silence*

John: hmm?

Jim: John why did you want to kill yourself?

John: cuz.. cuz I couldn’ see

Jim: Couldn’t see what?

John: n..nothin. couln’ see nothing.

Jim: What were you expecting to see John?

*silence*

Jim: John?

*pause*

John: *slowly* Couln’ see nothin.

 *pause*

Jim: Okay. Ummm, can you tell us about your..ummm... second attempt?

John: hmm?

Jim: Your second attempt at suicide?

*pause*

John: still couln’ see

Jim: What were you hoping to see?

*pause*

John: ligh’ at the en’d of the tu’nellll

Jim: You mean hope? You lost all hope?

*Silence*

*Jim fidgets in chair*

Jim: Can you please tell us in detail what happened the night of January 23^rd, 1998?

*Silence*

John: I’ comes to yo’ and it…it shroudes yo’… ‘ntil yo can see no mo’.

Jim: Sorry?

John: I’ ain’ like a tun’l. it ain’ like a long time’ of misr’y tha’ finl’y en’s in’ ligh’

Jim: Life?

John: cuz’ it shrou’s yo’ up like a blanke’ o’ darkne’ an’ yo’ can’ see nothin’. Presen’ cove’s yo’ up so yo’re blin’.

*Silence*

Jim: *clears throat* so.. umm. The second time you tried to kill yourself it was with a knife?

John: hmm

Jim: Why did you use a knife the second time?

*Silence*

John: Cuz.. cuzz *coughs violently*

*Sound of John drinking water*

Jim: Are you all right?

John: Cuz… slashin give yo’ mental agony a subs’antial  reaso’.

Jim: I’m sorry I don’t understand.

John: Yo’ brain fill’ up with agony. You can’ share with no… no.. *coughs* nobo’y. bloo’ cumin’ out brin’s som’thn out. I’ relieves. The pain o’ slashin’ giv’ yo’ brain a physica’ reason to feel pain.

Jim: Is that why you committed suicide?

*Silence*

Jim: John?

*Silence*

Jim: Well, umm, is this program helping you cope up with your…

John: no

Jim: why not?

John: I’ don’ take away m’ pai’

*pause*

Jim: I.. umm. Well.. how would you want to take away your pain?

John: By maki’ I’ all go awa’

Jim: Can you propose a solution other than suicide to make this happen?

*Silence*

Jim: John?

Jim: I’ stuck here

Jim: There are outlets you can have John, no one is stuck in their lives. Everyone has an outle..

John: *bangs on table* THE’ AIN’ NO OU’LET

*sounds of falling chair*

*sounds of heavy breathing, draggin footsteps*

John: *distant voice* the’ ain’ no ou’le

Jim: I’m so..sorry John i..i didn’t mean to… sorry..

*sounds of Jim getting up from chair*

*sounds of door opening and closing*

*Silence*

Jim: Well, umm… interview concluded 1:35 pm

*sound of rummaging papers*

*silence*

*white noise*

Jim: November 28^th 1998. Interviewee John Hopscotch died today. Suicide. Cause: Multiple slash wounds on wrist. Interview process terminated.

*Player button pops up*

She couldn’t move from the counter.

Dallas Buyers Club

Dear Jared Leto,

Sorry I said those things about you earlier. Your Oscar was so well deserved that I now think you should have taken two. Also please tell Matthew McCohanny that, well okay I don’t have words for it, but just thank him, for the performance.

Blue Jasmine

It was a fairly entertaining movie. Cate Blanchett did a REALLY good job. But did she deserve the Oscar to win over Meryl Streep in August Osage County and Sandra Bullock in Gravity? Probably not. It was tough competition, sure, but what Streep and Bullock managed to convey was far more potent than what Blanchett did. Not to forget, Violet’s role and Ryan Stone’s characters demanded MUCH MORE than Jasmine’s and the fact that they were so convincingly delivered made Streep and Bullock more worthy of the Oscar.

But other than that, it was a fairly good movie. Not something I would watch twice. But definitely something I should watch at least once.

Gravity

Ho-li-shit

Just a few notable things:

1.       This is what you call art

2.       This is what you call talent

3.       This is what you call taking the movies one step further

4.       This is what you call an unforgettable piece of amazing-ness

P.S I’m so glad that the director did not add any earthly scene in the movie. He just kept the whole vibe of space in space. Things like these that enable one to claim this movie as “perfection in the art of filmmaking.”

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

Since I have secretly been sarcastically rolling my eyes at very mention of “you are an amazing friend I <3 <3 <3 you” on facebook, I decided to go full-on on this:

To be very honest, I do not get the point of friendship. And I don’t think I’ve ever had.

The only time I felt friendship was worth something was when it offered me an escape from my daily nuisances: having so much fun that you forget everything. But now I just don’t get it because it certainly does not offer me an escape anymore.

What are friends for? To help you through tough time? Doesn’t really matter much now does it? Because at the end of the day, you’re the only one who is facing the tough time no one else. Others simply cannot shoulder your burden because first, everyone has got enough of their own problems to add your own to them, and secondly, no one simply cares about anyone’s problems but theirs. It’s not their fault too. How can anyone understand what someone else is going through, unless they are going through it themselves? 

Even if they show they care, it will just be for a few seconds, minutes, hours or days but if its longer than that, you’re in it alone son. Damn right you are. (For me personally, I’ve experienced care and concern for an average of few hours in a day when someone suddenly gets an attack of “wanting to be good friends” (which, I might add, is said just to satisfy their egos so they can have the comfort of knowing “what good friends” they are.)

Sharing your problems or talking just seems so useless. There was this girl in my class, brilliant as hell but it seemed like she didn’t have any good friends and I kind of felt sad for her. But now I finally get it. It’s so damn useless. Oh I want help you, I care about you, the hell you do. I’ll see how long you’ll stick around after saying that.

What only really helps is family. Because they are just as much affected by your problems as you are so they try to help you overcome them. Other than that, everything else is pretty much just a lie we tell ourselves to not appear or feel so alone.

Yes I know this rant seems pretty lonesome and bitter. But seriously, who would you call to bury a body if you murdered someone? (That probably wasn’t such a good question because many of my imaginary fan-base will say MY FRIEND, to which, I will be rendered speechless. But since it’s MY imaginary fan-base, I’ll just imagine them agreeing with me *perks of talking to imaginary fan-base rather than real humans*)

Well, that is enough unfair bitterness for today. I’m sure there are many awesome people out there who are amazing friends. To them I would like to say:

FUCK YOU

Peace-out \/

*drops mic*

College Life 2

Among so many other terrible things that college has made me feel so that my life has turned into this dark hell hole, I now realize it has made me feel one thing that I was not ready to admit – it has made me feel incompetent.

Continuously failing tests and exams makes me feel like I may excel at some things, but in things that matter – in real life –all I am is an incompetent failure who is not good enough to deal with things when life gets harder and real. I might have gotten great grades in school, but I kept on failing in college aka the moment it gets difficult I can’t deal with it.

I would love to tell myself it’s just the “College effect” or it’s just the “FSc effect”, Or maybe these tests and exams and college life in general doesn't matter in real life, but what if it is not? What if I really am incompetent? Things around me hardly prove otherwise.

Failing when you know you are not incompetent, or failing when you know you should have been able to make it, is really a terrible feeling. First, it kills your ego and self – respect in one swipe. Second, it makes you feel worthless as shit. And third, it discourages you.

Well, I guess that is what life is right? I should be able to take it head on. I just don’t understand why someone would say college is the best time of your life. If they meant “best time” to feel like a dark-depressed-black-hole-which-keeps-sucking-you-in-so-you-cant-escape-and-en d-up-hating-to-wake-up-every-morning-and-feel-so-stuck-that-sometimes-you-can’t-even-breathe-properly then yeah sure, that is what it is.

P.S I know there are many out there who feel the same. So it’s kind of even more terrible to know that others might be going through the same depression and there is practically nothing I can do to console them. I guess I can just hope that one day we all get out of it, become happy and feel worthy.