Self Ranting on Career Confusions

I am at a weird point in my life. I’m going through that phase where I am confused about everything.

I basically want to become a doctor. I’ve always wanted that but now I just don’t want it that badly for reasons I don’t understand.

I sometimes even feel that if I fail, it will open up a whole world of opportunities for me. It’s like my aim to become a doctor is blocking the colorful possibilities that life has to offer.

So basically I am scared. Doctor is a safe option for me but I don’t know if I want a safe option. What if the safe option is what is best for me? I don’t know anything. I’m basically waiting for either a failure to tell me risk is what is best for me, or I’m waiting for success to tell me that I am destined to become a doctor.

I remember I wanted to become a doctor because I wanted to help people. So the baseline is that even if I don’t become a doctor, I want to do something to help people.

My biggest fear right now is getting up every morning and living just for myself. Where my biggest concern is dressing to impress, small talking through life, letting the miseries of everyone else go ignored while I myself enjoy my life. I want to wake up every morning and know that I am helping, if not everyone, then someone. I want to make a difference. I don’t want to lead an ordinary life.

Yeah, that is what I want - an extraordinary life spent trying to help those who need my help. That is my basic requirement.