College Life 2

Among so many other terrible things that college has made me feel so that my life has turned into this dark hell hole, I now realize it has made me feel one thing that I was not ready to admit – it has made me feel incompetent.

Continuously failing tests and exams makes me feel like I may excel at some things, but in things that matter – in real life –all I am is an incompetent failure who is not good enough to deal with things when life gets harder and real. I might have gotten great grades in school, but I kept on failing in college aka the moment it gets difficult I can’t deal with it.

I would love to tell myself it’s just the “College effect” or it’s just the “FSc effect”, Or maybe these tests and exams and college life in general doesn't matter in real life, but what if it is not? What if I really am incompetent? Things around me hardly prove otherwise.

Failing when you know you are not incompetent, or failing when you know you should have been able to make it, is really a terrible feeling. First, it kills your ego and self – respect in one swipe. Second, it makes you feel worthless as shit. And third, it discourages you.

Well, I guess that is what life is right? I should be able to take it head on. I just don’t understand why someone would say college is the best time of your life. If they meant “best time” to feel like a dark-depressed-black-hole-which-keeps-sucking-you-in-so-you-cant-escape-and-en d-up-hating-to-wake-up-every-morning-and-feel-so-stuck-that-sometimes-you-can’t-even-breathe-properly then yeah sure, that is what it is.

P.S I know there are many out there who feel the same. So it’s kind of even more terrible to know that others might be going through the same depression and there is practically nothing I can do to console them. I guess I can just hope that one day we all get out of it, become happy and feel worthy.