Avocados and Of Avogadro's

Well I joined an academy to study for the medical entry test and I do love it because it’s the kind of freedom I didn’t have for two whole years (For example: being able to wear whatever I want; being able to get out of my seat after every one-hour-class; having to study only for 5 hours; being able to use my brain to solve questions though my brain isn’t really working anymore). Now that I look back I feel like I was locked up for two years, in a tiny room in the basement with a tiny barred window. I used to look out of that window but looking at the birds flying free was painful because it made me realize how trapped I really was. Now, I have escaped. I was mentally abused for two years and because it was that long, I can’t really get used to this partial freedom. I’m still partially mentally scarred. 

But I do smile when I look at the birds now and I really can see the colors once again. I’m not exaggerating. When I was coming back home after the first day in academy with my friends I noticed that the trees were green. I literally noticed the greenness of the green trees and I realized how grey they were for the past two years. I didn’t even notice how everything had become so grey and uninteresting until I could notice the colors again.

So here I am. Recovering. Still bruised. But healing.

I’m so glad I can look at my friends everyday now. I really do love them a lot. And I didn’t even realize it. I am miserable without them. SO.  DAMN. MISERABLE. They are my support system. I didn’t realize how much I depended on them for my happiness maybe because I didn’t want to be “dependent” on anyone for my happiness but I guess I am. I love them so much that even though I won’t be able to talk to them for the five hours we are in the academy, just knowing that they are there is consoling enough and it makes me happy and content. They are miserable waisay hahah. It’s a step down for them after A Levels. For me it’s a step up after FSc. I guess anything and everything would be a step up from FSc. It was a horrible step down for me after O’ Levels so I know what they are going through right is HORRIBLE. But I’m just so happy in their presence that I don’t care about anything else.

I can still feel the scars on my brain. It’s weighing down on me and yes I am tired. It’s not just me;  all of my friends would also LOVE a little relaxing time to recuperate. It’s too much. I can’t study. Even if I try I won’t be able to fit anything into my brain because it’s just damaged tissues up there. My neurons have swollen up and are tender. My brain is slowly swelling under pressure. It’s inflamed and damaged. I know it is; even though the CT scans will beg to differ.

I wake up day in day out having slept horribly. I just go through the day thinking “Yeah just get through with it. I’ll properly deal with everything after I have relaxed.” What that relaxing period is, I don’t know. But what I truly need is a day or two away from everything. A day or two away from my room, my house, away from Islamabad, away from everything associated with Islamabad which remind me of all the things that “I am supposed to be doing”. I’m very very very exhausted. I don’t think I can study anymore. Even the slightest pressure annoys me and I burst out in anger because I just can’t take anymore. I need a break DESPERATELY. Can I see a way of getting it? No. But all I know is that if I don’t get this break, I will fail horribly in all my tests because I just can’t take any more of this “studying”. I have been abused too long. I need a little time before I start getting abused again.

Temporary outlet: Books and music. Good enough? A Little.

I can’t believe I stopped listening to music. It’s so relieving. I’ll be listening to the light shallow pop crap. AND GUESS WHAT OMG!!!!! (Yes, It is an occasion worth 5 exclamation marks) Remember how I wanted to find a dump of books from which I would find gem-worthy-books for the cheapest prices and I wanted it SO BAD that it hurt? MY WISH CAME TRUEEEEEEEEEE! AND MY HAPPINESS KNEW NO BOUNDS! ANY BOOK FOR JUST 100RS!!!!! (yes, worth 5 exclamation marks again). And guess where? Not in some dump in Aabparah or Rawalpindi but in the very fancy very shmancy: Centaurus.

Level of wish-coming-true: TOO DAMN HIGH.

Oh I say we are grand aren’t we?

Oh oh no more buttered scones for me mate’ I’m off to play tha GRAAAND PIYANO. Pardon me while I fly my AEYRO’PLAYN!

Day 394: Love Monty Python.

Under The Influence of A Very Michael Palin

I'm so glad that I can look back and say that I have travelled to some extent. I've been to Hunza and Karachi. It's fun to know that I have travelled to the two extremes of Pakistan. And saying "MY GOD IT WAS SO MUCH FUN" would be an understatement.

I have to thank my mom of course. She is the best travelling partner anyone can ever ask for. She has the same enthusiasm for seeing things as I do so there is none of that "ooo it is dangerous we should not go". She is a bold, fearless and an open hearted traveller. I love having her as my travel companion. The best part: She takes the kind of pictures that I love. Just random pictures capturing the mood of the moment. No time wasted posing and crapping.

My mom is just the most perfect package of human companionship. She lets me shout at her, she gets me every single thing that I dream of, she listens to me, she supports me, she is my bestest friend she is my everything. Literally. In this world, she is my everything. I don't feel the need for anything else. She is the most frustratingly self-less person I have ever seen in my life. I'm not saying this because she is my mom. I'm saying this because sometimes it's annoying to see her be so nice. She lets me joke with her and mock her but she never mocks me. I think she is crazy. It's retarded how much she loves me. She just never loses her temper at me. Except sometimes. She is always praising me. 

She has spoilt me and has turned me into a narcissistic asshole. And I love her for that.  

Moms really do make the best of friends don't they? Because you are one hundred percent sure that they will always be there for you and will always help you make the best out of life.

Now that I think about it, in this world of randomness and extreme unreliability (of even a father's love which I'm told is reliable but I call BULLOCKS!) the only thing I truly believe in with all my heart is a mother's love. For me, it's the most solid and sure fact of life.

It's Really Important To Make This Announcement

I'm not going to recheck my posts for possible grammatical and spelling errors because:

1. I don't want to.

2. I don't want to

3. I don't want to

Adventures of Sir Massachussen

I did go up to the roof 4 in the morning today. I also got super pissed and cleaned the shit out of my room. 

It's so amazing to see the sun shining. I had to climb to the highest point in my house because there are building and walls all around which block the view of everything beautiful. I remember taking guests to the roof and give them a tour of semi-northern Pakistan: "To your left lie the hills of Murree. In front of you is a tiny farm full of corn plants which we used to nick corn out of about a million years ago. Up ahead are the hills of Bani Gala and right on top you can see Imran Khan's glamorous abode. At two 'o' clock you can almost see the lights of Rawalpindi (You could also see that massive "Waves" lighted billboard, I don't know what they are called, which was located in Faizabad. It appeared as a bright red dot going on and off and regular intervals. I never thought I could see something as far away as that billboard was, from my house but then I went to Faizabad and noticed that the lights of that Waves billboard were in perfect coordination with the little red dot I could see from my house.) On your right lies Islamabad and right behind you are the majestic Margalla hills. That little trail of light that you can see are the street light on the road to Shakarpariya." But today: "On your left hand side you have a delightful brick wall right in your face which gives you a first hand experience on how it feel like to be in a prison. In front you have some buildings and no farms. On your right are some more buildings. And behind you,yes. Believe it or not, some more buildings."

Anyways. I climbed up to the highest part of my house. Climbing was fun. Made me miss those days when I started rock climbing and felt so blissfully exhausted at the end of each days  because its a strenuous thrilling exercise. Wish I could do it again. But not with this knee I suppose. Don't you just hate prolonged injuries?

It was dark but the half moon was bright enough. And behold! There were the glittering hills of Murree which always had been there but tucked out of sight. According to my estimations, the sun would come up from about two to three inches right of Murree hills (eyes closed measurements done by fingers). I was sure of it because last time I tried to hunt for the rising sun westward.

The sky started lightening up and surprisingly because of the contrast of fifty shades of blue, that lone star on the horizon looked even more beautiful and shiny. 

The coolest part was that when I rotated 360`, I could observe a very interesting merger of colours - Light blue, dark blue, indigo, indigo pierced by the yellow of diffusing city light, indigo, dark blue and light blue - like a palette of blue in the skies.

Then there was the loud resounding noise of chirping birds which give nothing but peace to an unsettled mind. Took me back to that day in Murree and Challas. So peaceful. Then I remembered how unsettled I was even in the presence of such a peaceful atmosphere. I guess I really am always unsettled and disturbed.

So that was it.

A Bite Of Lemon Sandwich Which Is An Ironic Biscuit

I can picture myself 20 years in the future living with an abusive husband and fifteen nasty shitty kids; slowly dying of cancer and misery. That day I'll look back and say I should have learnt all the dry tests and 2 confirmatory tests for each of the 37 salts I'm supposed to be learning for my chemistry practical right now. That day, I'll truly realize the importance of education.

Till then I'm a mentally exhausted inadequate retard.

Do my hopes of becoming a doctor seem slimmer everyday? Yes. Do I have a back up plan? No.

I just want to be like Dr. Graham Chapman.

Maybe I should take advantage of the situation and go up on the roof and observe dawn. Fresh air might do me some good? I do feel as if my lungs are filled with stale air.

In a perfect world: Sleep early. Wake up at fajr. Offer my prayers. Wait for the sky to lighten just a bit. Then go out for a walk in the park in front of my house. Just get some fresh air in my lungs. Feel refreshed. Maybe cycle a little in my cycle. Listen to the birds. And not be so fucking miserable.

But who gets perfection in this life eh?
It's a lifetime supply of stale air for me I think.

It's four in the morning already and I hate the idea of going to bed because that would mean that I'll wake up tomorrow (which is the morning of today) and will have to study for my chemistry practical day after tomorrow (which actually is just tomorrow). I just don't want this day of not studying to end. That's how much I hate studying.

Been reading Michael Palin's diary and now I think his writing style will influence mine. Like the time I watched 9 seasons of Scrubs and ended up with a voice inside my head like JD's which carried out lots of internal monologues. True story.

I was thinking how for quite some time I have been trying to find some order into my life. Been trying to figure out some fixed laws around which life revolves; some unchanging facts to make life a little more predictable and safe but it's all just constantly changing all the time. It's so unpredictable. Exciting? YES. (I wonder if this instability has got anything to go with having an unstable family structure?)

Like the paradox of life right now. It's so fucking monotonous. I hate it. Yet, there is an instability.

Come to think of it, its the future that is unstable. Present sucks and future is so uncertain. I like the uncertainty. Keeps life mysterious and exciting. It's the present I'm sick of right now. And I fear that future will be just as sucky as the present.

Ah well. Who are we to worry about the future? It's just the present I'm worried about. IT SUCKS.

I know recently I have developed an abusive streak but I'm just so unhappy with the way things are going. Keeping it all in DOES NOT help. I hate living like this. And to think that maybe this is how the next ten years of my life will be like.

I crave the wind. I crave jumping in the spring showers. Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I feel free, enjoy my life and be more pleasant to my mom - victim of my never ending angry outbursts. I think Hey! I'll just be angry with her now, get it all out and then I'll be nice. Only, the niceness never comes because my mind is never at ease. It is in a constant state of disturbance which makes me a perpetually irritated person. HATE LIVING LIKE THIS.

Of Fuck

It's not my filthy room that's annoying me it's not having time to relax and fix my room that's fucking with me. I want a break and I can't get it. It just won't fucking be over. Fucking practicals till 28th and after that fucking academy to study for the fucking medical entrance examinations. Three more fucking months of waking up at 7 and studying till 12 then coming back home and studying some fucking more for other tests. I'm on my wits end.

I need a fucking break. Fucking deadlines. I need to clean my fucking room. I just don't know how to fucking clean it. It's so much fucking work. Have to rearrange my books, clean three months worth of dust up, get the carpet out, clean the fucking floors and throw out all the crappy shit I have accumulated over the years. I just want to sweep everything away. I don't want to see anything on the shelves because in near future, I won't see my trophies there I'll see objects that I don't have time to dust. That's how fucked I feel. Fucking time. I am so not fucking fond of my life right now.

Always panicking. WHEN WILL THIS FUCKING STATE OF RESTLESSNESS GO AWAY? I'm so sick of not living my life.

And I need to fucking clean my room.

Of Fancy Words Like Chardonnay Again But With The Addition Of Chivalry

Was poking around and saw that I can actually made money with my blog by posting ads with adsense (three exclamation marks)!!!

With the popularity of my blog being confined to my imaginary fan base, the clicks on the ads will also be imaginary so I can leave it up to our imaginations to wonder what kind of money I'll be getting. (THE ANSWER IS IMAGINARY KIND OF MONEY). I'm pretty much ready to

But before wasting money like that I'll get some instruments crucial to human life:

Of Chapsticks and Cuddly Dogs

I was fortunate enough to find a copy of Michael Palin's diary online and now I can literally spend all my entertainment time with Mr. Monty. I'm so glad I have something Python-y to read about because right now nothing else is interesting enough. I was hoping I could find Chapman's books anywhere to indulge myself in madness which is oh-so-rare-and-lovable because I REALLY enjoyed the movie. Besides, a dead man has a more aura of mystery to him which makes everything so curiously interesting. I still do wish he wasn't dead. It would have been so interesting to see someone like Chapman in an old man's skin.

I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND SOCIALIZE WITH HUMANS.

Kali Batkh

I saw Black Swan yesterday. No it was today morning. Yeah. I'm just confusing the timings because yesterday and today both had one thing in common: to do anything to evade studying for my chemistry practical.

Anyways.

One word: ART.

Music, acting, story all in a harmony dancing to the tunes of art. It was refreshingly disturbing.

There were several theatrical releases which were strategically released to appeal to viewers of different areas globally.

For white shits:

For white shits who a drop of doodies in them:

It would be racist to say anything else:

Of Fancy Words Like Chardonnay, Superflous and Anchovies

Fighting a constant battle with narcissism which I seem to be losing. Can't find t middle ground to stand on. It's either self assured narcissism or self deprecatory disappointment. I think I'll only find the middle ground if I socialize more. Need to meet more people to actually find my place in this world. 

A future of a possible failure; hope and big dreams, that, if fulfilled, would make me weep tears of joy. It would just be so perfect. 

Day 333: Can't stop having my affair with Mr. Monty. He's just too damn interesting. WAY MORE interesting that my real life.

Will recommend Come Undone for anyone who is willing to float in the skies of flowing smooth music. That's how its done you modern pop hip shits.

LOOK! A STARSHIP COW!

But there are words which bring back the sweetest memories and make me laugh oh so:

-How Brookfield turned out parsons:

Detective Parson

-Sonnets to Ethel:

Cruel but fair: Piranha Brothers

http://cruelbutfair.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-piranha-brothers.html

-Dramas on the Love of Lancelot:

Sir Lancelot

-Disappointment of knowing that Abdal Rehman III took control of the Muslim rule in Spain when he was just 23. I'll be 23 in three years. And I'll be in my room. Getting annoyed at any intrusion. Hating my immobile meaningless life (There are those who are advocated of patience - let time tell - I have to say life is NOW. It's not yesterday it's not tomorrow it's NOW. And NOW I'm not helping other humans. NOW, my life is meaningless and selfish. What if I die tomorrow? My yesterday would have been a selfishly lived day. NOW is when I am supposed to do things. And I am not. Which sucks.)

GSMFVRSIGMRGPAAAARRGGHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE THAT MEANS SOMETHING OTHER THAN "FUCKING STUDYING USELESS FUCK"

Internet Connection Not Terminated Lucky Me

DISCLAIMER: Stop reading if you do not wish to read another pissed-off post.

Yes I'm more pissed than ever. Look at the Monty Python crew. Fresh out of Oxbridge in their early twenties and they change the history of the world. And then look at me. What the fuck am I doing in my early twenties? Learning Louis Pasteur's fucking date of birth. FOR MY ENGLISH EXAM. 

Yes I have lived for two decades. TWO FUCKING DECADES which another thing that pisses me off because I never got to feel 19. I was 18 one year and the next I was 20 because it was sprung up on me that I was not exactly born in the year I thought I was. The only relief this bit of knowledge gave me was that I was not a wooden pig in the chinese zodiac. I didn't like being a pig. But damn it I loved my date of birth. Now my entire life is based on a lie. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my teens and prepare myself for big things that I was supposed to do in my twenties. Turns out I am in my twenties and am still fucking living an insignificant unhelpful life. Seems like my youth will be fucked and I will spend all my so called fucking "energy" sitting in a room trying to learn the name of the author of "On Destroying Fucking Books" which is J.C Squire by the way.

I envy that Oxbridge lot. I envy them with all my fucking heart. To know that you are fit to start doing things in the real world after graduating college and have the opportunity to do so in your early twenties is so. fucking. lucky. But here. Here you just fucking sit on your fucking books until you're fucking thirty to achieve something in real fucking life.

That's my biggest fucking problem with being 20 right now. I'm living an unhelpful fucked up life studying things that will only help me if I lived in the fucked up world of books within a fucked up room in a fucked up in the country of fucks. And from where I am sitting right now, it looks like the next 10 years of my life will be spent in books. Obviously things could be different but it makes me angry right now and it's my blog. MY BLOG.

I want to test my potentials I want to use them I want to help people I want to get out of my fucking house and do something that means something.

The worst part: Fucking summer vacations. I could perhaps do an internship somewhere. Do something practical. Put my knowledge to some good use right? WRONG! IT'S SIX MORE MONTHS OF STUDYING FUCKING THINGS I DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT. DO I FUCKING CARE HOW MANY PICOGRAMS OF ADENOSINE ARE THERE IN A FUCKING DNA? NO. BUT THAT IS WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LEARN. 

Put your youth and energy to test in real life? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? THAT IS NOT WHAT YOUTH IS FUCKING FOR! SIT IN YOUR FUCKING HOMES AND STUDY YOU FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE ASHOLES! YOU'RE NOT MATURE ENOUGH UNTIL ALL YOUR ENERGY HAS BEEN SUCKED OUT OF YOU! Fucking youth.

FUCKING IMPRACTICAL EDUCATION.

Il Y A Toujours Des Putes Sur Ce Coin De Rue

By the time I wake up tomorrow, my internet connection will have expired, or as the French say, "derriere". Who knows when I'll next get an internet connection. So,

AU REVOIR ALGUES IMAGINAIRE SUPPORTER DE BASE!

T'was but a sweet sweet month of internet access and continuous blogging. T'was a sweet sweet month indeed.

Fausse Piste Imaginaire Supporter De Base Fausse Piste!

Bleh-guards day out

A Fish Called Wanda. I don't know if I am blind to flaws in Monty Python and everything even remotely related to Python or the people associated with it because I'm having an affair with Mr. Monty, or its just too good to complain about.

Just look at this movie. It's just so solid - the plot, the characters EVERYTHING! Even the secondary characters. Look at Ken. Had it been another movie, he would simply have been portrayed as a lackey but in this movie he has his very own character: he is an animal loving sweetheart who kills old ladies. How often do you see characters like that? It's just pure creativity.

Not only that, but it's just so out of the box! We know lackeys will kill anyone to protect the best interests of their masters but to give them an animal loving personality, to make them cry when dogs die and laugh when old ladies die hahah It's the paradox of this conflicting nature that is so funny. That's the whole movie. It's not open jokes and laughter, it's not pies smashing in someone's face or someone tripping over a banana, it's like tiny little funny secrets hidden within that are so enjoyable. It's like you're in on a personal joke with John Cleese that no one else understands. There is the sexy and clever Wanda, there is the fish called Wanda and there is the wife called Wendy. One might start looking for some hidden meaning and co-relation between these characters, but if there is something Monty has taught me it's WHO GIVES A FUCK? It's far more enjoyable in it's connected randomness than it is in some hidden linking plot behind it.

The more of Monty Troupe's work you see, the more you realize how very distinct it really is. Throughout this movie I felt like there was some of John Cleese's own self being reflected. Yes, that is what writers do. Their work is a reflection of themselves but I feel that now a days, work of writers is not a sole representation of themselves. It is overshadowed by MANY things, like writing what the public would like, constructing simple characters that every tom, dick and harry would understand - in the process of which they loose themselves. Humour today is streamlined to a specific sort - the sort which everyone likes. That's why I love Monty Python because they didn't give a fuck about public. It was their humour, it made them laugh and they didn't feel the need to please anyone else. It is also why you can NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVERRRRRR find ANYTHING even remotely close to Monty.

Observe the intensity on John's face

Mi Centesimo Vaca (My 100th Cow)

Venado Pueblo,

Mi ester de pi ante tu toda sobre celebrar centesimo correo. Espano traducion duro. Mesa menitra dorada prostituta fumadero. Empresa dictador alga marina.

Muchas Gracias

Translation:

Deer citizens,

I stand before you today to celebrate 100th post. Spanish translation hard. Table lies golden hooker soup. Company dictator seaweed.

Much Thanks

Foto: Mi y tambien imaginario fanatico cimiento

Decimoseptimo Puede Que Dos Mil Catorce

(Photo: Me and my imaginary fan-base

17th May, 2014)

Sughra Apa

The joy of reading about Pakistan in a less than darker light.

http://www.thefridaytimes.com/beta3/tft/article.php?issue=20120810&page=20

Lollikolliy Little Dickens

They say there are no coincidences, only the illusion of coincidence.

Don't believe it. My life is made up of some pretty strange coincidences. Guess which movie comes on EXACTLY as I switch the channel?

There is something about V For Vendetta, Harry Potter and Hunger Games which strikes our chords isn't there? The fight against dystopia and the spirit of rebellion.

Ah but only in real life "evil" is not so well defined. Someone once said:

It's not black and white as they say,

In between we have 50 shades of grey.

Yeah that's right. I'm "Someone". I've literally started rhyming about everything haven't I? That's one way to abuse the power.

TO ABUSE THE POWER IT'S A WAY,

KEEP RHYMING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

Wow I really need to give it a rest.

GIVE IT A REST, THAT I SHALL,

LET THE REST OF ME RHYMES GO TO HELL.

I'll be one hell of a rapper won't I?

I'd go to ma hood and be all like

I googled "funny nigga" and then to be more precise "brown people acting like niggas".

Remember Remember 5th Of November

Which reminds me that V for Vendetta was the kind of movie which turned this:

into a symbol of rebellion and freedom from Britain to the entire world. Now THAT, is art.

We Must Remember

Remember Remember,
Not 5th the November,
We must remember,
The 4th of November.

Because that is what is given in your book,
So here and there you must not look,

the Gunpowder Treason should certainly be forgot,
As from the book you have to learn quite a lot,

Guy Fawkes and his companions were crazy old coots,
So don't go on thinking of putting yourself in their boots,

From the book only, and only the books, you must learn,
This knowledge is eternal everything else will crash and burn,

Prepare yourself for the world from these pages,
Do not try to escape from within these cages,

They are for your own good, but you cannot see,
Learn and learn only then successful you will be.

Dunkey Munkey

This poem was composed for the fuck of it,

It's better than studies full of shit,

I just peed because holding it in,

Was like, against my bladder I was committing a sin,

Now I'm just rhyming words randomly,

I wonder, if to this verse, I can add candidly,

Looks like I'm not so good at English after all,

Maybe I should try to study English and have a ball,

Now that was just lazy rhyming I know it,

I just keep adding words that I deem fit,

See what I did there Did you see it too?

No shut up, it's good rhyming, just don't boo!

Someone won't make it out as a poet,

To make it rhyme I'll just say mo-ayt!

There now, my poem seems complete,

I have achieved quite a useless feat,

But before I stop I'd like to say,

This verse ends with the word "hay"

Angry Rant With A Lot Of The Word "Fuck" So If You Don't Want To Read The Word "Fuck" Don't Read This Post. Or This Heading. Too Late For That. Well, Now That You've Read The Word "Fuck" So Many Times Already, You May As Well Just Read The Post.

Got my English final in two days. I'm supposed to study just two books and some grammar. Would have been REALLY easy if only I didn't get overcome by extreme anger every time I open my book because learning Louis Pasteur's date of birth and death seems so futile. FSc. is actually is a piece of cake. But only if you don't get so fucking pissed at the futility of everything you have to learn. IT'S FUCKING ENGLISH LANGUAGE FOR FUCK'S SAKE not your fucking history lesson.

I've noticed how, if I wake up on a bright and cheery morning, and think about how I have to study all the fuck that I am supposed to, I am angry for the rest of the day. I just can't bring myself to study that fuck. It's so fucking annoying.

I know it's a lot of "fuck" for one post about studies but seriously, nothing less than "fuck" justifies the amount of anger I feel right now. To be trapped under the burden of having to "learn" is the worst thing to happen to anyone. To not let your mind wander, to not allow yourself to explore the extent of your talents if you have any, to not let your creative skills come into action fucking kills you. Fucking education. Fuck Louis Pasteur. I'm going to write poems in ENGLISH rather than spend my time hating myself for not being able to learn fuck. What is even more annoying than having to learn fuck is knowing that the fuck is really easy but you JUST CAN'T bring your brain to learn that fuck so it's your brain's fault. It's definitely your fault because there are those who can learn these things (no strings attached) and then there is you who probably is just one of those bitchy students who like to bitch about studies being annoying when in "real life" they are quite helpful.

So fucking helpful. For all you ignorant bastards out there who are obviously living a very miserable, unsuccessful life not knowing when Louis Pasteur was born - it was in 1822. There. Now your lives can be happy and successful.

Song: Hit The Road Jack

You stupid bitch go to hell,

You stupid man don't make me tell,
Your mother how unemployed you are,
No money, no love, no respect, no car
You lying bastard you get outta here,
Get lost from my sight go anywhere ,

Glass smashes on the wall,
Loud is the noise of shards' fall

Fine I'll get outta here,
This misery is what I cannot bear,
But don't come crying
to take me back,
Don't go on finding
the heart you so lack,

Tables turn and a smash,
Mirrors crack and a flash.

You worthless piece of shit,
You fancy you're so fit,
But you're just an impotent git
No woman will love you one bit

Plates fly shards spill,
it's just the usual drill.

I'm forever going for an outing,
I've had enough of this shouting
This tension! I'm growing thinnner,
But what the hell is for dinner?

It's Chinese tonight you balding fool,
Close your mouth just don't drool,
Get outta here as soon as you've eaten up,
Or with a bater you shall be beaten up.

I'M NOT GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT FEW MONTHS STUDYING LIKE FUCK LIKE THE PAST TWO YEARS I WILL DO IT MY WAY AND I'LL DO IT WITH FREEDOM OR I AM NOT FUCKING DOING IT. AND IF ANYONE FUCKING TRIES TO BIND ME TO LIVE THAT KIND OF FUCKED UP LIFE I WILL NOT GIVE THE FUCKING TEST. THAT IS IT. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF STUDYING LIKE A FUCKED UP IDIOT.

Song: Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)

Ashes falling, embers red,
The bliss of escape, had she fled,
Body slumped on the armchair,
Hair auburn, fairest of the fair,
Eyes closed, some misery, a sigh,
Murderer was dead but she won't die,
Memories sickly sweet, those which kill,
A puff, the dispersing smoke which wont fill,
The gaping hole
In her soul.

Song: Violet Hill

This:

with cool breeze hitting my face.

Song: Alice In The Wonderland OST

Lost in the wicked wicked wild,
Fear the lions and beware child!
Fear the poison that sweetly kills,
Fear the flowers that it fills,
No trail will last, not a single true path,
Flee the forest filled with wrath.
Run as fast as you can dear child!
For the claws of raven will turn you blind.
The screech of owl will creep upon you,
No one last, no one lives, no matter who,
Trumpets and drums and all sounds so gay,
They will do nothing but lead you astray,
Then darkness will fall and you shall be pursued,
By the knights of Death who will hunt you as food.
Don't hide in caves upon the highest hill,
For the witch will find you, and cook you, she will.
Do not look back, don't turn around,
Don't scream don't shout if you're found.
'Tis my advice for you, it's the only best,
Now on your own peril, you can enter the forest.

Song: Beggin

Crunch of the dollar, straighten the crease,

Comb here and there, put on some grease,

One last touch, one last check out,

Ready to get up and roll about.

Song: Dance Of Death

Eyes open wide in fiery fire,
He fell below, higher and higher,
Into the cradle of darkness,
Expelled from the womb of madness,
Embrace of the demons and he cried out,
Oh Mother! Oh Mother! his silent shout,
Into the pit after the unholy dead,
After living the life he had led.

Song: The House Of Rising Sun

Sinning sinners keep sinning again and again,
Scorn of the priests, why for earthly gain?
Why push oneself in misery of hell?
Why embrace the Satan and say you fell?
Why do it to yourself, why dig your pit?
Why do what is not deemed so fit?

Oh Priest!
I sin, and again I sin,
To hell and back I've been,
His veil of darkness embraces me upon my return,
Misery if I stay away, misery if I let my soul burn,
I fall and I rise and he pushes me down the pit,
The company of pure won't let me sit,
In the Holy land for I'm too unholy for it.

Dancing Pyjolos

Watching "Kill Your Darlings". 20 minutes into the film and its boring the crap out of me.

The mysterious enchanting rebel?
Acting: I call

Horribly acted out.  Dialogues are trying to be dramatic but fail miserably. Something is just so misplaced in this movie.

I'm not a fan of Daniel Radcliff's acting. It isn't natural. There is something forced about it. It works if you're playing a doubtful teenager but if you're an adult or someone with responsibilities in the world which is not magical, you can't have that kind of doubt. It just becomes awkward acting.

Somebody's forte is certainly NOT emotions

Badass-kissing-random-girls-making-newbie-ask-did-you-know-her-and-then-saying-hell-no, I call

Library scuffle. WHAT?

"Shut up traitor" That's mature.

The murder scene:

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, brings to conclusion, one and a half hours of crap in its PUREST form.

The story may be true but the combined efforts of the actors, director and script writers, mortals have managed to magically turn this story into 20 ounces of fecal matter. Doodies. Poop. Turd. Odure. Ass Goblins. Ass Kebabs. Black banana. Black eel. Colon canonballs.

• corn eyed butt snake
• corn massacre
• crapsters
• creamy butt nuggets
• digested Crayola box
• Easter Bunny's present
• the fourth teletubby
• frightened turtle
• hardened fudge nuggets
• hell's candy
• Indian rug burns
• keester cakes
• Mississippi mud
• monglin cluster shit
• mudfat balls
• peanut butter poop
• potty animals
• product of Uranus
• sea pickle
• sewer serpents
• shitsicles
• space slug
• Super Shit Man
• tangy butt nuts
• that ain't chocolate puddin'!
• tom cruise missiles
• toxic turdeys
• turd tunnel tasty
• yellow submarine
• air out the anus
• ass sneezing
• bust a shit
• christen the comfort station
• cook some beans
• clean one's colon
• cut off a load
• drop a chalupa
• drop ass goblins
• drop some friends off at the lake
• empty the manure spreader
• take a plane crash - no survivors
• talk to a man about a horse
• blow mud
• booty hole burnout
• butt dribblets
• butt drool
• chocolate explosion
• G.I. shits
• human expresso machine
• Montezuma's revenge
• oohs and ahs
• screaming mimis
• supersonic sewer sauce
• boggy crapper
• toilet bowl stew
• cattle cookies
• chimp chunks
• cow farts
• dog logs
• doggy sausage
• elk duds
• kagatzka
• lawn sausage
• anal impaction

http://www.angelfire.com/nj3/weirdcrap/poop.html

GSIGFSNFEFOECLLGY

MY GOD I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN DOING THIS I ONCE AGAIN, FEEL HAPPY FROM WITHIN!

To write WHATEVER I want, HOWEVER I want and WHENEVER I want. I feel so freeeeeeeeeee!

Song: Heatstroke (by Magic Bullets)

The cabbie drives, the cabbie dies,
The truck came through and his soul flies,
Just a poor cabbie dying in service,
Just a poor cabbie so poor so nervous,
Tragedy of life was not life, it was his death,
The weeping widow, dearest sweetest Beth!
Hopes lie low and lights are dim
They moan and whine and cry for him,
Life was such a bother, and death even more,
But from above he felt tragedies were such a bore.
He looked at his grieving children, his grieving wife,
Did they not understand the prison of life?

Gajar Da Halwa Tay Utay Thodi Jayi Cha

I'm having so much fun writing like this.

To my imaginary-fan-base: For better effects, listen to the songs when reading.

Song: Viva La Vida

Flags held high spirits just as high,
Fists in the air not a single sigh,
Fight! Fight! We Fight for Peace,
Death! Death! We Die for Life,
Masses of rebels, rebels of life,
Rebels of love, rebels of strife,
Blood and sweat, sweat and loss,
It's nothing it's nothing when it's for the cause,
What is the truth what are the lies,
Nothing in front except the enemies eyes,
Face the fear or die trying,
It's not death, it's freedom you're buying,
A bargain so just, a trade so fare,
World left behind, not a single care,
For rebels we are born, rebels we die,
An unjust life is nothing but a lie.

Song:

He couldn't move from where he was. They called it a "fruit basket". He used to fly. As long as he held on to his branches, wind was his friend. But the greater tragedy was fate - A system of this world which grants balance to nature. He was ripped away from his bunch and now only a few remained with him. His existence was sold. He was handed around until all he could do - all that was in his power - was to just lie here, waiting to be eaten by the more civilized of animal species. Cuz he a banana.

Literally.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH5ay10RTGY

Song: In The Air

Blue water. Blue. Blue. Water is blue. Sky is also blue. Blue. Ready? Eye lids snap open. Momentary flash of light. And then a burst of what she had been told was the colour blue. It was blue. Blue in her eyes. Blue was absorbing her in. She liked blue. She couldn't stop watching it. After all, she had started watching only recently

Ho

Right so here is what I'll do. I'll listen to a song and then write something about how it makes me feel.

SONG: Black and Gold

Eyes closed, a deep breath, a gush of wind, a ruffle of hair, and a smile. With cars, humans and all things mundane below and heavens above. Stars were within reach. Her eyes open again to observe the momentary darkness. Her arms unlocked themselves and rested on the concrete wall. She looked down. Down, down down, cars in the street going about, humans, larger than life but smaller in the mind's eye, walking up and down. One more smile and satisfaction of confidence. Flap of a coat, tipping of heels. She turned around and went to the door. No need to turn back and look at the rooftop, she had the cat in the bag in the world below. Down one flight of stairs and she opened yet another door, but this one into the realm of the mundane. Yellow light in red carpeted halls, apparently Julias was standing next to the door waiting.

"Where were you?"

"Up on the roof"

"We have his signature"

"Excellent!" A full smile. She can fire Julias now. She walked on one foot in front of the other, not even the carpets could silence her cold confidence, with unsuspecting Julias behind her.

------

Well, this was fun. Incomplete story. Make of it what ever you want to. The song is really good.

Actually I don't really like this paragraph. It's full of things we normally don't feel. " humans, larger than life but smaller in the mind's eye". Doesn't really work for me. Another song.

Jiggins & Co.

Got my practicals checked today. It brings me great happiness because I got through them with the LEAST effort possible and given how important they are wait I need a song change. Sad Fool is so stupid.

Right so. Now its Pretty Purple Top Hat haha. Much better.

So about the practicals. Ah who cares?

I took a little walk 7 in the morning going to my friends place. And damn it it felt SO GOOD to breathe  that fresh morning air. Lightly cool breeze. So Good. Wish I could do it every day. Keep wishing for crap nothing really happens mostly because I don't have a place near my house to go for a walk at.

It's become one of those crappy posts no body really gives a shit about.

SONG CHANGE: Except those rarities, modern music really is shit. Time for some classics. Time for IN THE AIR. Damn son that song's good.

Croc's gon lay its eggs when egg shells are broken. Crock ain't putting so much effort into makin an egg and then expelling it from itself. Only when the egg is broken, the Croc lays it.

I think I should write something dramatic. Just can't figure out what. Right. Let's give it a try.

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS I CAN'T FIND DOWNLOADABLE "The Pythons: Somewhere in Tunisia, Circa A.D. 1979" ANYWHERE. It's so awful knowing that there is a piece of Monty Python out there I can't watch. SO. AWFUL.

On A Stranger Night Than Day The Crocodile Was Captured

The most enchanting song I've heard in my life is 10 mile stereo by Beach House. It's got magic oozing out of it. It's like a walk through a magical forest.

Makes me feel if auroras were music, this song is what we would hear. It's just like an aurora. It's got that smoothness to it. But it's not peaceful. Like when you look at an aurora, you know something intense is going on up there. It's beautiful but turbulent. It's silently noisy.

Isn't it amazing how some songs are so substantial? They are not just compressions and  rarefractions through the atmosphere that get transformed into brain signals, they are something as solid as an object.

There is this part of night when things get quiet and peaceful and ordinary things start having a different effect. Like the tragedy of Graham Chapman's death. I wish I could console David Sherlock. Even though Graham was sick and everyone around him would have been prepared for his death, my heart sinks every time I think about how David would have gone home alone after Graham died and there was no Graham. That idea that he was around, if not in home than in the hospital or somewhere else, it just wasn't true any more. One day Graham wasn't in this world to make it sillier. Death is strange. It has always been here. Everyone knows about it. But even with its persistence, no one has become numb to it. Such is human resilience for emotions.

Jingjanging Jollyjagging and Jibberjabbing

I still can't believe Frozen's song won the oscar over U2's Ordianary Love. I love Frozen and how it has the whole "Sisters before misters" theme, but the song is unspecial, cornily, ordinary shit. It's sad that Ordinary Love wasn't recognized for being so extraordinary. There is music which any person can make. And then there is music that only artists can make.

BLOGGING IS SO MUCH FUN

Xinchwang Zwigger

Boy am I hungry!

Imaginary Fan Base: OOO SO BRI'ISH!

I really like British people. They make things like Harry Potter, Monty Python and Top Gear. Americans are over-rated. Also, you can be the perfect pompous arse if you're bri'ish.

Fucking kids these days

Oh! Oh A ghaaap in one's oop! Pardon me while I'm off to play the graand Piyano
Oh Eton and Madgalene that 'oops got an 'ole in!
'fousre 'tis go' a 'ole in wouldn' be a 'oop otherwise now wou' i'?

and MY GOD ISN'T IRELAND JUST AMAZING?

Reminds me of Hunza. Damn that place is heavens on Earth and nothing less. It's a page out of our fairytale books.

Travelling. Reading. So much one desires and hopes for.

I'm SO going to that old bookshop on my way back from school tomorrow.

Gingerdiggersand Pulpy Crayons Which Cannot get Salty

Yesterday Mrs. Anchovie cried out ANCHOVIEEEEE!

I'm glad I could finish my practical books. Because they are SO IMPORTANT *eye roll*

Writing practicals bores you shitless. So I decided to make it a little exciting and to let the teacher in on a word game. Concealed within the text are words like "Shit" and "Who cares?" Even though the only word which satisfies my feelings of frustration is "Fuck" I can't really hide it because the K is very eye-catching. Once you got your eye on it, you can easily figure out that fuck exists nearby.

Listening to Sacreligious. It's a catchy song. Can't stop moving to the beat. Occasionally pouting in my "concert".

Since yesterday I have watched:
Top Gun

Crap I forgot which other movies I watched.

But today I watched A Liar's Autobiography. Loved it obviously. So vague and silly with something dark hidden in it. I want to read the book but I can't find it anywhere. times like these I wish I had a lot of money to spare so I would just buy books and make my own little library. I'm REALLY craving a story book now a days. One of these days I'll go to the bookshop and buy myself some old books. But I have to buy mom a gift before that. I think I'll go to the old book shop on the way back home from school tomorrow. It comes in the way so why the hell not?

In a few months time my future will be decided ain't it exciting? I'll either fail or pass or get bad grades and then if its not the life of a doctor, other paths will open up at the right time. I'm just excited to know what those paths are. I'm having that "Will they Won't they" kind of relationship with doctorness. It's exciting.

I CAN'T WAIT to meet up with my friends. It's been two years and apparently I haven't fitted in with the world like I was supposed to. everyone else annoys the crap out of me. It's just so annoying. my present company is so petty. That's the word for them. but it's not really their fault. They haven't been exposed to things that others do. They live pretty guarded and limited lives. No adventure hold no appeal. It's really been a horrible past two years. Yes Yes call me a bitch especially because they are so nice. They really are nice decent people of good upbringing. All of them. Educated and nice. BUT. SO. BORING. I want to hang out with my boos again you know? Do some crazy things laugh enjoy like I used to until recently when I felt my soul had been snuffed out of me by the likes of a dementor, but Monty gave me my life back again.

Monty gave me my life back. That's why I will always love and respect it like Harry Potter.

This has got to be the most boring post EVER. Even I'm not reading it again to check for mistakes because it's really boring. Who wants to hear someone banter about their crap? I don't think there is any way to turn it around. It's too late. Could end with a random picture but that's kind of becoming over-rated. I need to do other fun things. Can't think of anything. I guess I'll just make my graceful exit now.

Aguna Atopa

It's so cocky it makes me laugh

"Your mind's writing cheques your body can't cash" hahahha WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?

It's so melodramatic and fun. Bomber jackets, jumping from one scene to another without transitions, "Slider... *sniff*.. you stink."

Was good fun yes it was. Will probably listen to "Take My Breath Away" a few times now. And then I'll shift to "The Ferret Song" which is more of an instant classic than "Take My Breath Away" will ever be.

Cocky Asshole

There is this:

And then this:

Which makes you wonder if this world is just nature shitting on you or not.

Notice the guy in the middle?

The one with a mohawk?

Yes him.

Just look at him.

I think his mohawk has a mohawk of its own.

And even that mohawk has a secondary mohawk.

Which is on top of an emergency mohawk.

Just in case the primary mohawk falls off.

Did I tell you about the primary mohawk?

It below his emergency mohawk and above his actual mohawk.

An 'ole in ones 'oop

GAARHHHHHHHHH

I've got a weeks worth of holiday before my english exam on Monday AND THIS IS AS CLOSE AS I CAN GET TO FREEEEEDDDOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

It is kind of a strange feeling. I guess I am glad I'm not COMPLETELY free. Wouldn't know what to do. I'm so used to the constant nagging at the back of my head which motivates me to get up early and do stuff. I don't really know what I will do in complete freedom. Though I strongly believe I won't ever be completely free. I'll always need a driving force and if I can't get one, I'll probably make one for myself.

Every time I try watching something - a movie or another series that take up 98% of my disk space - I end up watching Monty. I can't help it. Everything else seems so boring. I guess that is what true love feel like eh? All you want to do is watch them.

Shoddy paint work 

But accurate representation of me height

I've GOT TO watch some of the other stuff that I have downloaded so I can delete it and free some disk space. 

TO "TOP GUN"!

I know this blog is supposed to be all fun and games but sometimes one has to use such platforms for the greater good. So I would like to draw everyone's attention to this:

This world needs more of these

Lol. just jk.

But seriously: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet

The Philolosphy of Life

Thnidnc cwicnh kkzunrujj som nucje this nhjr  has tin lkuine njubye. Cjhdyh hjosghe mnju kjbc ench ibcbe!!!

Ljunceu njguk jikkdo nncuen o ncjufn hdwe nicohfv ngzyedf. H siohfj jvc kbdeu nwudf sbu lll snfufn vyef sifjn  fhnweuf. Lcuwufwue cwu jbefdyueooo bcyebfo nucbeho lsni kinuf mubfh haf io ubeg. Gvisib ncubw je jbu?

Vr.

Euvnu nubf. likthe thys. Gjisng mjuo itoyhoi thiose  ibug!

Juisbe jrjy ekes?

Ghert.

Lsinrf jdfur :

Gnicerwfn kcnewiurfn ewfn cxewu vrg bcyw kosociu. Gjudbc jdbce  kerfn vcyugrer nuchuerf ksdc. dkcnuifnf jsdcnue  cjncapl! vrbvyu zsdfin sdjcd ejnvruebvkdch cnwubd. Gnicerwfn kcnewiurfn ewfn cxewu vrg bcyw kosociu. Gjudbc jdbce  kerfn vcyugrer nuchuerf ksdc. dkcnuifnf jsdcnue  cjncapl! vrbvyu zsdfin sdjcd ejnvruebvkdch cnwubd.Gnicerwfn kcnewiurfn ewfn cxewu vrg bcyw kosociu. Gjudbc jdbce  kerfn vcyugrer nuchuerf ksdc. dkcnuifnf jsdcnue  cjncapl! vrbvyu zsdfin sdjcd ejnvruebvkdch cnwubd. Vwuwh mzdufh sdcje djcnweruioa. Cifnacqid cefewua.

GHbetuvne jcvwui mzdfunj. Gosncuwef  inf lveriof sndfun oernfv. Sjdbvuj msdjfbw ckiwnfciuw a fovn uice sue cmown ajed mcien! ncwunfseh ! Riaih! Cewina!

Gwksefn zaksnf kooal thid rightu mauej femioau mdu ne. Ceionfu chuen aomnrf mci! Euiqjwu micrn loif ehciw. Cwinahye hhiao mubrlan cue r mijjiw. Dfinnue einfnei.

Dmiewinf? Weunc.

Benchmarking the Emperor

O Dark cloud,
O lightening sound,
Your mantle will be torn,
And a new light will be born,
The darker you are,
the lightening no matter how far,
Will always appear brighter,
For hope is a fighter.

ANYHUUUUU.

If I could bring someone back to life for a dinner, I would, without a doubt, choose Graham Chapman. I want to be in his presence and understand how you can just disregard the norms of life and live so free. I want to see the consequences of having lived that open.

Chapman's death grieves me more than it should. I really wish he were here today. World lost its hope of freedom from binding norms when he passed away.

I think I love Monty Python as much as I love Harry Potter. Both came to me in a certain part of my life and gave me the kind of comfort and happiness that I really needed.

Harry Potter was my escape in the "scary-family-disturbances" part of my life. It gave me a way out and made me laugh when I couldn't.
Monty came when everything became so dark and everything ahead looked dark too. It gave me this weird hope and happiness of knowing that I don't really have to grow up into a "dark life"

I love them oh so!

I wish I had the chance to know you, you crazy bastard.

I guess I'll just hope that hopefully I'll meet someone like you one day.

But the chances of that happening are pretty slim.

You're so unique.

That's why I love you.

You're the only one who is crazy enough.

the first 30 seconds were often in the beginning of Monty Python episodes that I downloaded and I love lip syncing to it whenever it comes up but it is actually a song which is quite nice o.O

Most of those who believe they should stop,
find it very difficult to do so
They find it's become a deeply ingrained habit,
a habit they can't change just because they want to

I know about these things because I've been through them
We invite you now to listen and we wish you every success

However, as a beginner it's best to just kill everyone as fast as you can by using the pump iron

~~Emperor's Main Course

Brazen Nillyjo

You know what time it is?

Imaginary fan base: TIME FOR FUNNNNN! *does an audience arm wave*

No.
It's more fun.
It's time
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY STUDIESSSSSSS! WOHOOO! YEAHHH!

Imaginary fan base:

ALRIGHTTT! YEAHHHHH! WOHOOO! THATS THE SPIRIT!

Imaginary fan base:

It was already an annoying day to begin with. The moment I woke up I remembered I had to force-study so that just completely turned off all the happy bluebells, unicorns and a happy promise of a fresh start in the morning. And then came the sudden realization how my family circle will always be incomplete. Excellent work there by my brain. Quite skilful and crafty. You're trip in muck and your brain establishes a house there. Anyways. Later today I found out a few things (*watching TV with Hillbillys and Fankenstein*) and this is what I feel like saying:

YOU FUCKING IDIOT ITS STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE AND YOU CAN'T FUCKING SEE IT YOU THINK IT WILL ALL END UP WELL THE WAY YOU'RE FUCKING ABOUT? Fucking idiot. It's one thing to make a mistake it's another thing to willingly turn a fucking blind eye towards everything. You Fucking retard. I hope to GOD that I am wrong and God knows how MUCH I want to be wrong about all this but if I am not wrong, then YOU HAVE FUCKED UP EVERYTHING IN EVERYONES LIFE AND ALL YOU DO IS FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF I guess it is easier to feel sorry for yourself than to actually get up and do the right thing for once you fucking asshole. 

Ah. There. that feels much better. Friggin Hillbillys and Frankensteins. Annoy the crap out of you. As if today wasn't already annoying enough.

Force studying. Force studying. force studying. Force studying. 

I think I have studied my share of studies for a life time. And then you are supposed to force study. Damn.